Here I am...thinking I had it all figured out December of 2017! I told myself, my goal for 2018 was to finally make my dreams come true, buy us a house, start a family, and finally have this dream I always wanted as a little girl....
Flash forward to May of 2018, that's when everything started crumbling little by little...the yells, the constant picking at every little flaw a human being could have, the lies, the covering of lies, and then mentally flipping his words on me, making me feel like I was the bad person, like I didn't want any part of our 13 year relationship.
Months went on, and the fighting continued...No matter how many times I tried to make "US" work, it just didn't! Maybe I just couldn't come to the realization that my best friend, my human, my better half no longer looked at me the same or loved every ounce of me as he once did. I thought maybe if I worked on myself, he'd love me once again, as he did when we were young and decided to move away together, but no matter what I did it wasn't good enough for him.
I guess the biggest heartache in losing someone you love so dear is watching as they slowly fall in love with someone else right before your very eyes.
Finally seeing every text, every call, every "I love you" said to the other person is what hurt the most. So many UN-answered questions and constantly thinking "well, if I did that or this differently, he'd still love me". Truth is, no matter what you do, what you say, or change about yourself, if that person no longer wants to be a part of your life they won't.
We went from being lovers to strangers over the course of 13 years, While the heartache is still there, I'm learning to once again love my self and enjoy this new chapter. Some days are tough and I beat myself up over little things but I wouldn't trade this experience for the world. Its taught me so much about the person I am and how much I much I truly value myself as a human being! I will no longer allow anyone to make me feel as if I'm not worthy of love or happiness. May we all continue to find happiness within our selves....Until next time Friends!!!
